Healed from Church Abuse by Julia Parker

God speaks to Julia in her journaling: Daughter of Love and Mercy, You were in the crossfire of a very serious problem that had arisen in that church. There was contention and strife already present even before you entered. Just as you learned yesterday from your old friend as she spoke of an experience her husband had while talking to the pastor of your old church and how the pastor told your friend's husband that his church was not a democracy but a theocracy, so no one was allowed to voice their opinion or even have a say in any matter but the pastor and that only the leadership was allowed to do the stuff. This is what I call control and authoritarian leadership.

You had no clue as to what you were getting into, but I knew all along that you would end up there and I knew everything that would transpire. But dear Julia, it wasn't My best plan for you, as I have told you time and time again. My dear Julia, I have seen your prayers and I've seen how you have cried out for mercy, only to believe that I was no longer speaking to you, so you went your own way, hiding, shutting down, and even mistaking the enemy's voice as MY voice. I do not beat and berate My children and you have learned that. You have learned to Hear My Voice. I'm so proud of you, My daughter.

What those old leadership pastors and elders saw in you was a threat to their leadership abilities. They were frightened and they were more concerned about their influence in the city than they were about your spiritual condition being cared for. Since they didn't have a grid on “Inner Healing”, they did what most people do who aren't wise in counsel: they became angry with you. Their anger was a result of what was going on in that church already. It made them blame you for the problems so that they wouldn't feel guilty about their own sin. It's the old blame game that so many of My children use to escape from their own issues.

You didn't do anything wrong except you didn't know how to listen to Me. You weren't connected with Me as closely as you could have been, therefore, the enemy took advantage of all the emotional baggage you were carrying and made you his prisoner for 10 years. Now that you have risen above all of that, you are able to encourage and bless others through prayer, through listening to My voice and through My love by the power of the Holy Spirit that is within you.

Oh yes Daughter, you have been healed and restored from all of that old church stuff, but you need to keep in touch with Me in the current church issues you are involved in. Keep your eyes focused on Me and use My Wisdom to deal with the new issues that arise. I've planted you in this church, and there I will keep you. I will keep you in every storm that comes and I will keep the leadership there, too. Pray and intercede for them. You are moving forward, My dear, you are not moving backward. I'm maturing you and I'm growing you up so that when the winds of adversity blow, you will stand stronger and stronger. Each problem you encounter will bring you closer and closer to Me and will make you stronger IN Me!!

I AM your Strength!! I AM whatever you need at this time! I AM whatever you need for the past! I AM whatever you need for the future!! Remember I AM that I AM!!! I AM God and, you dear, are not!! I love you, Julia, and I will never, never, never leave you or forsake you. Be content in whatever state you find yourself in.

God Takes Julia into an Inner Healing Experience

The Lord has taken me back to a scene that was very healing but very hurtful at the same time, so because I received some healing, I thought that the scene was totally healed. He is showing me the pastor and He is allowing me to hug him and Jesus is releasing me from the rejection that I had felt in this healing/hurtful scene. Jesus has His arms around this man and He is just pouring love onto him and pouring love onto me towards this pastor. Jesus is saying, “All is forgiven, you are forgiven, pastor." And I am saying, “I forgive you pastor for the rejection and pain of the whole situation." I am hugging my old pastor and I'm not feeling rejection, but I'm feeling hurt for him and I'm feeling love for him.

Now I'm choked up and I say to the pastor, “Thank you for the good things that you did to bless me and thank you for the bad things that you did to hurt me, because then you didn't become an idol in my life but what you did made me run to Jesus even though I didn't go to Him but a few times during those 10 years, because I believed the lie that Jesus had left me and that I was on my way to hell. But because of all that, I have sought healing for that little 4 year old girl and have found the Healer for her and I've found the Healer many times in all that I have gone through. I will find Him as my Healer again and again.

"So thank you, pastor, for what you were able to allow Jesus to put into my life through your life. I know that you are with Jesus now and I am glad that you are safe with Him. You didn't know, pastor, you didn't know that I was an intercessor and that I had baggage and that I needed healing. I forgive you in this healing/hurtful scene and I say I love and forgive you and your family. I know that I will see you in heaven one of these days and we will talk then. Jesus loves you and I love you, pastor. Blessed be the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ for He has done wondrous things." Tears are welling up in my eyes and healing is taking place as Jesus puts His love in that place where rejection from my pastor was. Thank You, Jesus, for going to the painful places and thank You for healing me! You are my Healer!

Additional Resources

4 Keys to Hearing God's Voice teaches how to do the two-way journaling that Julia is doing above.

Prayers That Heal the Heart teaches inner healing prayer as one of 7 prayers one should do to heal a heart wound. Ideal for individual and group use. Inner healing is defined as "allowing God to replace the pictures in the art gallery of your mind, removing pictures that do not have Jesus in them and replacing them with pictures that do have Jesus in them." 

Once the Lord has shown you new pictures with Him in them, you ONLY look at these new pictures and NEVER at the old pictures which contained the lie that He was not there. He is always with you!