God could you please whisper so no one hears this?

No I’m not going to whisper. I want everyone to hear this Mark. I want to know why you all think you have to grovel when you talk to me? Am I really that bad?

You’re pretty scary. And anyway I’m pretty bad. You know the drill God. You’re righteous, I’m not. You’re holy, I’m wicked.

Who told you all that?

I don’t know God!! Where do I start??  I’ve heard it from so many places. I’ve been learning about how bad I am, trying to become a better person and realising how bad I am since I was 16. That was my whole gateway into a relationship with you. It was what always brought me back to talk to you. Until recently anyway.

What’s changed?

I found out by accident that you talk back.

And how has that changed anything?

Well you don’t seem to be very harsh. At first it made me think it couldn’t be you. You’re too nice. I’ve never been taught that you’re very nice. Well in theory you’re nice, you’d like to be anyway, but we’re all so bad that you have to be angry. Scary. But when I talk to you, and when I really want you to tell me off for my sins you never seem to want to. You never seem to want me to dwell on my mistakes.

I do sometimes though don’t I?

Well not very often. I used to think that was the basis of any discussion. My sin, your forgiveness.  But now if we ever do talk about slip ups on my part it’s never to make me feel guilty. I try to feel guilty, but you won’t let me. And you never seem to want to talk about my addictions, or slip ups.

So which mistakes do I talk about?

Normally you seem to talk about the way I’ve treated the people closest to me over a period of time. Not one-off things.  You show me how I’ve badly hurt someone I love when I thought I was acting how Christians are supposed to act.

Exactly.  All you Christians hurt people around you by acting in ways you think I’ve told you to act. In your relationships with your friends, your families, your husbands and wives and your kids. You have all these rules you think I’ve laid down for how to treat people. And you’re all so jolly religious, and rule-focused that you badly, badly hurt each other. Badly.

Yeah. Yeah that’s the stuff you want to talk to me about.

But?

But you hardly ever draw my attention to the ‘sins’ that I was always taught were the worst. The ones I’ve always been taught ‘separate us from God’.

Why do you think that might be?

Oh man God!! This subject is too big.

Go on, you’re in safe hands. We don’t judge you. We’re not religious like you. Hazard a guess. Why do you think we don’t focus on the sins that theoretically separate you from us?

Theoretically? God can you stop this please! If you have to talk about this sort of stuff publicly, could you use someone else to do it with? It’s getting to the stage I’m wanting to ask you to whisper so no one hears this.

Mark I’m not just saying it to you. This is being said all over the world. I’ve had enough of the way you all grovel when you talk to me. You’ve all been fed a lie by that great lying God Religion. Yes Religion with a capital R. Religion, that lying, misshapen, hateful, sliming, disgusting, repulsive being. He hates you with a passion and yet you all think he’s me. You think all these rules you have laid down for yourselves come from me. Excuse me?

Have a quick read of my many discussions with the Pharisees. You’ll see I went to great lengths to undo the structure of rules and regulations that they had set up to surround a person’s relationship with God.  And yet now here you all are, doing it all over again. Don’t.

What shall we do then?

Talk to me like a friend. Expect me to talk back like a friend. I’m that Jesus you read about, the one who turned water into wine at a party – instead of lecturing everyone there drinking, I supplied the drink. I’m the guy who was prepared to be interrupted in the middle of a sermon to go with the man to pray for his sick daughter. I didn’t get cross about people and their kids interrupting my flow when I was preaching. Instead I stopped preaching and went to help with the kid.  That’s me. That one. How have you all managed to make me into a God who wants to tell you off? The answer is simple Mark. You’ve been fed a lie.

What shall I do?

Start looking for people who are waking up to this. Others who are realising you’ve all been fed a lie. You need friends who realise all this religious mumbo jumbo is a devilish lie. It’s not innocent Mark, anything but.  Religion and the concept that I’m cross with you about your sin is a chain around the neck of my people. I don’t like it and I’m coming to break the chain. Find others who are seeing that this is true.