Being One with Jesus; Being Jesus to My Family

Note to reader: This two-way journaling entry is about some of my honest challenges as a mother of two amazing, brilliant, beautiful sons who I adore. My boys are 8 and 5 ½ years old. I homeschool, but I believe what the Lord spoke to me is truth that will encourage all parents.

Note about homeschooling: People often say to me, “I don’t know how you homeschool. I could never do that.” That’s not true! We can do ALL THINGS through Him who gives us strength! Be aware of what you confess with your mouth and in your heart. In other words, don’t confess you “could never” do that which may be what the Lord is calling you to do! I am NOT telling you to homeschool. Know that which the Lord has called you to. But if you feel led to homeschool, do not miss the incredible blessing He has for you! Do not fear. Take it one year at a time. Trust Him. Pray about it. Journal about it. He will show you the way. Excellent homeschooling resources are available. I buy a curriculum that works for us, and I have the support of a homeschool network in our community. Homeschooling has strengthened my relationship with my children, and deepened our bond. My children have taught me far more than I could ever teach them. And, as a bonus, I have been amazed at the way Jesus shows up through and during homeschool! Here is my journal entry:

I quiet myself down: “Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Open the ears of my heart. I want to see You. I want to hear You. High and lifted up. Shining in the light of Your glory. Pour out Your power and love. You are holy, holy, holy. You are holy, holy, holy. I want to see You.”

I repent: “Forgive me, Lord, for not living out of what You showed me yesterday. You spoke to me about ‘being’ with You, and ‘remaining’ in You. But I failed to do that. Please forgive me, Lord. I feel horrible. [I share details with Him.] Forgive me for being controlling, and for getting angry. I repent. I receive Your forgiveness. I receive Your blessing. Cover over my sin. Teach me how to love my children out of ‘being’ with You. Teach me how to honor them and their differences as I train them in love. Why did I trigger? What do You want to expose in me?”

I am aware that control that has been passed down to me. I know control is born out of fear. I bind the spirit of fear in the name of Jesus. I bind the spirit of control in the name of Jesus. I break off every un-Godly belief that I attached to the spirits of fear and control.

 “I will not agree with your lies, fear and control. I cast you out and I throw you away from me. You must return to the feet of Jesus and go where He tells you to go.”

I literally pull two things off of me. I see two small dark creatures go to Jesus’ feet. He points in the opposite direction, and they flee. Jesus walks toward me.

“Is it finished, Lord?”

My Lord speaks: “Yes, it is finished.”

“Fill me up with Your divine presence. Fill me up with Your Holy Spirit afresh, Lord, that my house will remain clean and filled with Your glory.”

Jesus lays a hand on my head and I feel His power surge threw me. It is like electricity. Then He puts his hand under my chin and lifts my eyes to His.

My Lord speaks: “I love you, Tara. You are a good mom.”

“Will You help me never to react like that again? I love my children so much. But I feel I failed to love them well yesterday.”

My Lord speaks: “You adore your children. They know they are adored, cherished and celebrated. You repented to them. They forgave you. You are teaching them about forgiveness, grace and reconciliation. When you come to Me when you make a mistake, you teach them how to do the same. You are not a failure. You are learning to love them as I love you. My love is perfect. Love them as I love them. Be intentional to connect with them. This week you have played Uno and frisbee with them. You have danced with them and been silly and laughed at their jokes. Intentionally sit in the grass with them, talk to them, ask them questions, play basketball with them. Go for a bike ride. Be intentional. They are your priority. Put ‘playing with them’ at the top of the list, and keep it there so ‘playing with them’ doesn’t get crowded out. Play with them first, then look at your ‘to do’ list. ‘Be’ with them as I am with you.”

“Yes, Lord. By Your grace, I will do that. Help me to remember these instructions, Holy Spirit. I trust You to lead me into all truth and righteousness. I love them so much. Help me learn how to show them my love. I wanted to bless my son because I love him, but then I spoke harshly to him. I pray [details removed] was still a blessing to him and his spirit. Thank You, Lord, for teaching me. I commit my ways to You. Teach me how to walk in Your ways. Teach me how to love as You love. Teach me how to be with them as You are with me.”

My Lord speaks: “Yes, I AM. As I AM, you are, Tara. Be ME with them.”

“I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. …. I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

“O righteous, Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and they have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” (John 17:20-21, 23-26, excerpts from “The High Priestly Prayer”)

I respond: “I desire to be YOU with them, Lord. I desire to be YOU. I think I am beginning to understand. To remain in You, to be YOU, is the BEING you are teaching me about. YOU are in me. I see that in John 17. Help me understand what that means. According to Your Word, the love that the righteous Father loved You with, Jesus, You have placed in me, and You Yourself are in me. Help me to live out of that reality today. I put down my flesh. I call my Spirit forth in Jesus’ name. I choose to walk in Your way today, Jesus. I choose to remain in You and be YOU in my family, and to be YOU to a dark and dying world.”

Jesus and I are on the beach. He is standing before me, smiling. Suddenly, beams of glory shoot out of Jesus’ eyes and pick me up off the earth. I am held by the gaze of His glory above the earth. I am squirming and laughing like a child. My color matches the brightness of the beam of His glory. He starts spinning me around, wrapping me up in His glory. It's as if He spins a web of His glory around me. I stop spinning. I am covered with a cocoon of His glory. But before my eyes, His glory begins to seep into my skin. My skin is absorbing His glory. My form returns to me, but I am shining with His glory. It is my skin, but I am glowing brightly. His glory is shining through me. The beams of glory gently lower me to the earth and place me on my feet. I run to Him. I leap into His arms. My legs are wrapped around Him. I am hugging Him tightly. He spins me around and we laugh. Out of our embrace, out of our love, His glory expands. A beam of His glory shoots straight up to heaven like a spotlight. Or maybe that beam of glory is originating in heaven and envelopes us. I am not sure.

My Lord speaks: “I AM the beginning and the end. I AM the source of all glory in heaven and on earth. I have chosen to fill you with My glory that I may be glorified on earth. I am the source of everything you need. I am in you. You are in Me. We are one. I am making you holy as I am holy. I am conforming you into My image. Every moment we share love together you look more and more like Me. I love you, My daughter. I rejoice over you with singing.”

He puts me down. My hands are in His. We throw our heads back, laughing, and we spin in circles together, holding hands. Our spinning slows. We look at one another. He embraces me. I am fully abandoned in His embrace. My head is on His chest. Before I realize what is happening, my head sinks into His chest. He pulls me into Him. He absorbs my whole body into His.

My Lord speaks: “We are one as My Father and I are one.”

I am in Him. I am fully in Him. He lifts His arms to heaven. I am separate from Him in that I am still myself. But I am fully in Him. He has internalized me. Everything looks different. I see His circulatory system as if it is a roadmap. It is still there. But I am in Him, and I have not disrupted His form. My form is intact. His form is intact. But we are one. He is translucent so I can see out, but I am seeing through His eyes. I see Him, yet I see through Him. It is almost as if I am floating inside of Him. When He lifted His arms to heaven, my arms followed. Almost at the same time, but slightly delayed and not in my own strength.

My Lord speaks: “This is how you will do what I am doing. This is how you will remain in Me. In Me you live, move and have your being. Remain in Me today. This is BEING. We are One being.”

“Yes, Lord. There is no place I would rather be. Floating in You and Your love, BEING in You. Oh how I worship You, Lord.”