I am His Crown; He is my reward

It’s Mother’s Day (May 12, 2013). Thank You for the privilege of being a mom, Lord. What a gift my children are. I learn so much from them. I learn so much about Your heart toward me as I love them and learn to parent them out of the abundance that is mine in You. Thank You that I get to be a mom. I love You so much, Lord. You are so good. And so faithful. You have brought such healing to my life. Thank You for mending my broken heart (referring to the 4 miscarriages I had after I had my 2 sons). Thank You for the gift of life, hope and love. I remember all those who are struggling with infertility or who desire to be a mom, and all those who have a lost a child. Be close to them today, Jesus. Comfort their hurting, broken hearts as You have comforted mine.

I quiet myself down. I fix my eyes on Jesus. I tune to the flow of the Holy Spirit.

I ask: "Lord, will You take me back to the vision I had today in worship? I want to record it. Will You speak to me about what You showed me?"

I am in His presence. I am walking toward the throne room. I hear the angels singing of His goodness and His holiness.

I hear Jesus say to me (as He first said to me several weeks ago), “You are My crown. I am your reward.” I feel the weight of His crown on my head. He says again, “You are my crown. I am your reward.”

I sense His presence, the Lover of My Soul. My soul cries out for Him. “Where are you Jesus,” I ask. “I want to be near You.”

I look for Him. Suddenly I feel the Holy Spirit wrap Himself around me. He is alive. His waves of glory sweep around me. The Holy Spirit is like a cloud, but I can touch Him. He is a cloud that is thick and tangible. The cloud is gold and sparkling, shimmering and alive. And He is swirling around me. I feel the warmth of His presence. I look down and I see the Holy Spirit is fashioning for me a bridal gown. It is exquisite, rich and shinning with the tangible glory of God. He is clothing me with His presence and His aroma and His glory. I smell His presence. It is clean and pure, yet fragrant and deep. I look behind me and there is a train on my gown, as far as I can see. His glory is flowing behind me as a River. The train and the River are one. Angels hover on both sides of the train. They laugh and play in the River. I look forward. I see my Heavenly Father’s shining brilliant throne before me. I know that’s where Jesus is. He is beckoning me. My Spirit hears Him call my name.

My Lord speaks: “Tara, you are my crown. I am your reward.”

I am overcome with joy unspeakable. I laugh. I cry. I am shining with His glory and presence. I take a step forward. The Holy Spirit leads me. The Holy Spirit is my gown. I am clothed in righteousness.

“Without spot or wrinkle,” I hear the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear, “I present you to your Bridegroom.”

The Holy Spirit leads me forward to the throne room. It is as if He has one hand on the small of my back and he holds His other outstretched hand before Him. In this way, He leads me forward. I am adorned liked a princess. Jesus’s crown is on my head. My hair is perfect. I have never felt more beautiful.

“You are beautiful beyond description,” I hear the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear as He swirls around my hair and forms a veil that gently drapes over my shoulders, over my face and softly lights upon the endless train of my gown.

The veil is sparkling, a brilliant, blinding white. In the veil are tiny sparkles. I look more closely at the veil and I see tiny diamonds are knitted together. Shimmering, dancing. I am covered with diamonds. I look at my gown. It is gold, and white. Pure gold and pure white. It is alive. It is moving. I am overcome with the power of God as I take in the beauty of it all. I hear the angels singing again and notice the Holy Spirit is continuing to usher me into the presence of my King. I look at my empty hands. I have nothing to give. I open my hands and offer up the only thing I have to give my King. I offer him up my life. I look at my hands and I see the ashes that are my life. But before my eyes, the ashes that are my life spring to life and suddenly I am carrying a massive bouquet of the most beautiful, perfect flowers I’ve ever seen. He took the ashes of my life the moment I offered them up, and turned them into something beautiful and perfect. The flowers are supernatural. Every color is represented. Every promise is fulfilled. Every fragrance is perfected. I have never seen such vivid color. I look up and I see Jesus walking toward me. I see the throne behind Him. My Heavenly Father is on the throne. He is smiling. He is pleased. Jesus leaves His Father's side and walks to me. My Bridegroom comes to me. He takes my left hand. The Holy Spirit is on my right, His hand still in the small of my back. They usher me before the Throne of Grace. I am overcome. I want to collapse at My Heavenly Father's feet. But My Jesus and My Holy Spirit hold me up. I sink into Their embrace. They strengthen me.

I hear My Heavenly Father speak, “This is My daughter in whom I am well pleased.”

I weep. I weep. And I weep. My tears fall freely onto the bouquet that was the ashes of my life. The bouquet that is so beautiful catches my tears. More flowers spring forth as I weep. Before my eyes, I see my tears take shape and yield more beauty. I look at Jesus. He smiles. It is the kindest, most gentle smile I have ever seen. I weep and I weep. There is healing in His smile. There is such love. Words cannot describe the love in His eyes and in His smile.

I hear Jesus speak, “This is My Beloved Bride. It is My heart’s desire to present My Beloved Bride to you today, Father. She is without spot or wrinkle. Isn’t she beautiful?”

“Yes, she is beautiful beyond description. She is just as I intended her to be. She is Our heart’s desire.”

Jesus lifts the veil from my face and whispers in my ear. “This is your reality. This is who you were created to be. This is who you are. This is what We see when We look at you. I have presented you to My Father. I have given you this picture, this experience with Me in the Spirit in order that you will know the truth. This is your reality. You are My crown. I am your reward. No veil separates us. Nothing stands between us. You are glorified. On earth as it is in heaven. We are glorified in you and in your life.”

I look around me. I take it all in. The glory of the Lord radiating from His throne. The sweetness of Jesus at my side, supporting me with His strength. The beauty of the gown I wear, which is the Holy Spirit that so perfectly fashioned a royal gown for me. The train of my gown that intermingles with the River of God behind me. The Holy Spirit, whose hand presses into the small of my back. The beautiful flowers in my hands – my life that was worthless and without meaning until I gave it all to my Savior, the Lover of my soul.

My Lord speaks: “Behold. I am doing a new thing. I am returning for My bride, who is made without spot or wrinkle in My presence, by My power, by My glory. Not in her own strength, but because of My power, My glory and My love, My bride is without spot or wrinkle. Striving for holiness does not make My bride holy. Striving for perfection does not make My bride perfect. But she is made holy and perfect in the receiving of the gifts I bestow upon her, according to My riches and My glory. I give generous, good gifts to My bride. I withhold no good thing from My bride. I adorn her with My lovingkindness. I crown her with My love. I crown her with My presence. With all that I have, with all that I am, I crown her.

“You are My crown. I am your reward.”