Her eyes held a stale look of determination, like bread that had set out too long. She tried to hide the weariness, but deep lines on her face betrayed her efforts. I watched her plop down on a bench, and brush a few strands of hair from her face. That’s when I felt my heart begin to stir.
The Lord showed me a picture of a rock, and I knew it represented her. I also knew that she didn’t allow herself to be anything but that rock, and that it had been dragging her down for a long time. Slowly but surely.
“Hey, I’m Jesse,” I let her know. “Sometimes I feel like the Lord lays different things on my heart for different people. Would it be okay if I shared what I feel like he has for you?”
She blinked away brief hesitation and straightened. “Yeah, that’d be fine.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, and tried to listen for the soft voice of the Holy Spirit letting me know what to tell her. “I just sense that for much of your life you’ve felt like you needed to be the rock…that you needed to be the strong one. And I sense that God wants you to know that it’s okay to be vulnerable, that it’s okay to collapse into his arms.”
I let that settle for a moment and noticed a flash of hope break into her eyes. “It’s okay not be the strong one,” I continued. “It’s gonna be okay because no matter what, God is going to be there to catch you. He wants to be the strong one for you. You’re not alone. You don’t need to feel like you’re the only one holding things together. It’s a burden you were never meant to lug around. If you let him, he’ll carry it for you.” I paused. “And he’ll carry you. He loves you so much and wants to be the arms that hold you.”
Her eyebrows angled up slightly as she tried to process what was happening. “Thank you,” she sputtered. “I, uh...” A smile like sunshine after a storm broke across her face. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied through a smile of my own.
Many of us truly believe that if it weren’t for us everything would disintegrate into nothingness. And there may be a sense of truth in that belief. In order to get there, we must’ve had some kind of experience that let us know how valuable and needed we are in holding, and mending brokenness around us.
It’s a very stressful and lonely way to live. There will never be a shortage of problems “the rocks” will feel obligated to stabilize and fix. It produces weariness and resentment towards those closest to us. It can be a very thankless job holding things together J.
But it was never our job in the first place. We don’t have to be the rock anymore. God is more than willing to take our place.
Jesus tells us to bring him our heavy burdens, to let him carry our loads. He wants to be the one who holds everything together. And he’s the only one who can. It’s not very often those of us who feel we’re holding everything together feel like more than complete and utter failures.
But once we catch on to the revelation that God loves us enough to shoulder the problems that surround us, the clouds can break just like they did for the woman I was led to speak to. A rock can’t experience the abundant life Jesus came to bring. A free, child can. You can.
Blessings,
Jesse and Kara Birkey
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